A modern day love story A modern day love story (March 19, 2004)

Mountain View teacher marries boyfriend on Valentine's Day

By Julie O'Shea

There was no long engagement, no tuxedos bought nor a big reception in the works. In fact, Tony Espinosa and Dan Nerney, a couple since 1995, hadn't even been planning to tie the knot.

But by the time they started thinking about it, San Francisco City Hall had begun issuing same-sex marriage licenses. Two days after the groundbreaking movement started, Espinosa, an English teacher at Mountain View High School, and Nerney, who works at a law firm in downtown San Francisco, decided to make their love affair official. It was Valentine's Day.

"We got (to City Hall) at 11 o'clock, and there was a line around the block," Espinosa recalled during an after-school interview in his classroom last week. "You just see all the people there, and it was just incredible."

For Espinosa, 42, and Nerney, 44, the decision to wed was both a personal choice as well as a political stand. They met at the Christmas party of a mutual friend in 1995 and moved in together just four months after they began dating. The two live in San Francisco's Richmond District where they throw an annual Oscar Night bash, which also served as a quasi wedding reception this year.

"He is tall, handsome ... very nice, a really good talker," Espinosa said of Nerney. "We really clicked."

Espinosa said he and Nerney don't need a marriage license to affirm their feelings for one another, but when the opportunity presented itself, both men thought, "Why not?"

"If we were straight, we would have been married by now," Espinosa said. "We felt like we were breaking some ground."

After nearly five hours of waiting, Espinosa and Nerney, both wearing long-sleeved red shirts, finally made it to the front of the line. They were greeted by a volunteer named David who would be officiating their marriage.

"When we got up there, we were nervous," Espinosa said.

Neither had imagined a day like this. "Wow, this is happening. We can't believe this is actually happening," the couple murmured to each other all the way up the stairs of City Hall.

The ceremony, witnessed by Espinosa's younger sister Gina and nephew Carlos, lasted 15 minutes. When it was over, the two men emerged as "spouses for life," according to the officiant.

Espinosa called San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom a "hero." Had the new mayor not made such a bold move by issuing same-sex marriage licenses, Espinosa, who came out of the closet when he was 19, speculated that same-sex marriages would still be years away from being a reality.

Espinosa said he and Nerney are closely monitoring every new development in the struggle to recognize same-sex marriage.

"There is no legal ground for this," Espinosa said. "The longer it lasts, the more we say, 'This is for real.'"

Still every day brings a new surprise. The most recent one came last Thursday when the state Supreme Court put a halt on San Francisco's gay marriages to investigate whether Newsom had the right to defy California's marriage laws.

Espinosa shrugged. "We have no idea what's going to happen."

E-mail Julie O'Shea at joshea@mv-voice.com

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