By Jessica T
About this blog: I'm a late thirties mother of a ten-year-old and infant twins. My family moved to Menlo Park 6 years ago from Virginia - where I grew up, went to college, got married, had my first born, and got an MBA (in that order). I'm a manag... (More)
About this blog: I'm a late thirties mother of a ten-year-old and infant twins. My family moved to Menlo Park 6 years ago from Virginia - where I grew up, went to college, got married, had my first born, and got an MBA (in that order). I'm a manager at Google, Inc. (Please note: The views expressed in this blog are my personal views and not those of Google.) My husband grew up in Los Angeles and is a novelist and professor at San Jose State University. Our daughter attends the Menlo Park public schools, and I was a member of the Menlo Park-Atherton Education Foundation board for three years. I am now a board member for the Center for Literary Arts at SJSU. I struggled with secondary infertility for five years and recently conceived and delivered fraternal twins - a healthy baby girl and boy in May 2013. I've worked (and pursued my graduate degree) since my elder daughter was twelve weeks old. I supported my husband throughout his graduate education, and now I'm the primary breadwinner for our family. I have coped with the pressures and angst of what that means for many years. I am lucky to have a husband with a flexible schedule; he shoulders the lion's share of housework, cooking, and childcare in our home. I'm looking forward to engaging with men and women who can relate to the challenges of modern day life in Silicon Valley. (Hide)
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When we found out that I was expecting twins, my husband, Coach T, was shocked. I was surprised, but not exactly shocked. I had been living in my double pregnant body for a few weeks, and Coach T wasn't privy to my insane cravings, fatigue, and nausea. You see, the day after I found out I was pregnant, I hopped on a plane for a business trip. I had been pregnant many, many times before and none of my pregnancies, except my first, had stuck. But the week I was away, I was overwhelmed with early symptoms. I tried to manage my low expectations of having a healthy pregnancy, but I must have had an inkling when I ordered two airplane lunches on the flight home.
Coach T's initial reaction to having twins wasn't joy. Although we had spent years trying to get pregnant, we had done our best to avoid any chance of multiples. We had a surprising number of friends with twins, and sometimes it seemed like their marriages were exercises in efficiency and drudgery - from orchestrated baby feeding to choreographed bedtime routines. Without exception, all of them said their twins' first birthdays were celebrations of survival.
Coach T eventually got on board. In fact, he even sent me an encouraging email a few hours after that fateful doctor's appointment. It made me laugh and reminded me that I had a partner in the madness. While the past year has had its difficult moments, I wouldn't trade it. Years of infertility tested our marriage, but to survive, we had to remember to laugh, to love, and to work together.
Coach T doesn't do well with sleep deprivation. The reality of twins has been something of a rude awakening for him. The night after the twins were born, when we were still in the hospital, he turned to me and said, "We have to get some sleep at some point!" He didn't mean it as a joke, but I thought he was tripping. Since then, he has generously given me the gift of sleep. Despite his early delusions, he's the one who gets up tirelessly in the middle of the night. He brings me the babies to nurse, then changes them and puts them back to bed. He's up again at 6 am to make me coffee before a pre-work swim. And he consistently lets me sleep in on the weekends, taking the first shift with the babies.
Coach T is my favorite person to take a walk with. He's my favorite person to share a bottle of wine with. He's my favorite person to discuss a book with. And only Coach T understands just how much caffeine means to me. Coach T outdid himself this Valentine's Day. He got my daughter a window box of flowers. He got me a card that quotes Percy Bysshe Shelley with a picture of The Kiss by Gustav Klimt on it. But nothing was sweeter than when he explained where he bought my valentine. "You know, there are sections in the aisle 'For Wife, Daughter, Mother'...I got yours in the 'Passionate Love' section." Coach T - this is why I am passionately in love with you. This one is for you.