By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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What are your Valentine’s Day expectations? Have you discussed them? It seems that traditionally men buy at least a card, chocolate and flowers, (and sometimes jewelry). Perhaps even an expensive dinner. This may be a desire of your man, or this is his way of making sure your wrath does not descend upon him. Traditionally it seems women are supposed to have sex on Valentine’s Day. That’s a lot of pressure for both men and women.
Is this what you want? The estimated spending for Valentine’s Day this year is estimated to be $18.6 billion! You actually get to discuss and chose what is meaningful to you for Valentine’s Day. It does not have to be a commercial ritual.
The origins of Valentine’s Day apparently are from the ancient Romans, and are “muddled”, but grim – bloody, drunken and violent to women, supposedly to make them fertile. In the 5th century, Pope Gelasius 1 merged St. Valentine’s Day with Lupercalia to remove the pagan fertility celebrations. There’s a good article on NPR: The Dark Origins Of Valentine's Day
that tells the history.
My husband ended cancer treatment six years ago on February 15th. So we’ve made that date our Valentine’s Day. We usually have a getaway; spending time together is what makes us happy (don’t get me wrong, I love flowers and chocolate – but I love it most when it’s a desire from within my husband to bring them to me).
Make your own cards. Make your own traditions. And love each other well all year round. Make love, and give or don’t give blow jobs as you wish. Treat each other as you wish to be treated.
To those of you who are single right now and don’t want to be, get out there and meet some people. Do what you love and make friends at those places and activities. Don’t let this Hallmark “holiday” depress you.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you.