Couples: Philosophy of Love | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Mountain View Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples: Philosophy of Love

Uploaded: Oct 29, 2018
"You are open and honest in your philosophy of love." This was in my fortune cookie yesterday, and is a great topic for couples. What is your philosophy of love? Are you living it with your partner today?
From what I see in my clinical practice, everyone has ideals and looks to fulfill those with your partner. However, I've noticed that each person's meaning about many things is different; and often not talked about in detail. You assume you mean the same thing by your words and actions; and you may be hurt by words and/or actions that have specific meaning to you. Often, our partner means something else. Know that your partner has an intention when s/he says something. The impact on you may be different than the intention. Instead of reacting, say something along these lines: "I'm sure your intention was good in what you just said. Unfortunately, the impact on me was hurtful/painful/irritating (you fill in the words here). I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Would you please clarify."
I encourage you to be open and honest, first with yourself, about your philosophy of love, and then with your partner. Many people are afraid that "If only s/he really knew me, s/he wouldn't love me." I would like to turn that around: If you don't show up in your relationships as authentically as you can, then who is there for your partner to love?
Democracy.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Mountain View Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

How my 80-year-old parents electrified their Foster City townhouse
By Sherry Listgarten | 11 comments | 9,391 views

Ditch the dining hall: Here are 16 spots near Peninsula colleges that are easy on the wallet
By The Peninsula Foodist | 0 comments | 2,527 views

San Bruno Wins Food Trend Craze with First Plant-Based Gas Mart
By Laura Stec | 1 comment | 1,320 views

The Benefits of Adding Market-Rate Housing in Palo Alto
By Steve Levy | 8 comments | 1,291 views

How Much Time do You Spend Outdoors?
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 906 views