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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples: Philosophy of Love

Uploaded: Oct 29, 2018
"You are open and honest in your philosophy of love." This was in my fortune cookie yesterday, and is a great topic for couples. What is your philosophy of love? Are you living it with your partner today?
From what I see in my clinical practice, everyone has ideals and looks to fulfill those with your partner. However, I've noticed that each person's meaning about many things is different; and often not talked about in detail. You assume you mean the same thing by your words and actions; and you may be hurt by words and/or actions that have specific meaning to you. Often, our partner means something else. Know that your partner has an intention when s/he says something. The impact on you may be different than the intention. Instead of reacting, say something along these lines: "I'm sure your intention was good in what you just said. Unfortunately, the impact on me was hurtful/painful/irritating (you fill in the words here). I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Would you please clarify."
I encourage you to be open and honest, first with yourself, about your philosophy of love, and then with your partner. Many people are afraid that "If only s/he really knew me, s/he wouldn't love me." I would like to turn that around: If you don't show up in your relationships as authentically as you can, then who is there for your partner to love?
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

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