By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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“You are open and honest in your philosophy of love.” This was in my fortune cookie yesterday, and is a great topic for couples. What is your philosophy of love? Are you living it with your partner today?
From what I see in my clinical practice, we all have ideals and look to fulfill those with our partner. However, I’ve noticed that each person’s meaning about many things is different; and often not talked about in detail. We assume we mean the same thing by our words and actions; and we may be hurt by words and/or actions that have specific meaning to us. Often, our partner means something else.
I encourage you to be open and honest, first with yourself, about your philosophy of love, and then with your partner. Many people are afraid that “If only s/he really knew me, s/he wouldn’t love me.”
I would like to turn that around: If you don’t show up in your relationship as authentically as you can, then who is there for your partner to love?