Premarital and Couples: Valentine's Day: Annually or Daily? | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Mountain View Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Premarital and Couples: Valentine's Day: Annually or Daily?

Uploaded: May 18, 2019
Valentine's Day, a very commercialized version of "I love you, I'm thinking of you, you're the most important person to me," was three months ago now. Those thoughts are the bedrock of secure attachment. Roses are back to their regular price, jewelry stores are on to their next promotion, and restaurants are serving specials by another name. What are you doing for your partner, your relationship, today?

I am not advocating flowers, jewelry, and fancy dinners everyday (although those are all lovely at times). I am, however, advocating the idea that you can feel the feelings and think the thoughts of secure attachment about your partner everyday.

There are small and large ways to show this: the key is that you each have SPECIFIC ways you want to receive love. Often your partner offers them in the way he or she wants to receive love, and you may perceive that you didn't get their offering. Many hurt feelings and misunderstanding arise out of this.

Notice how you give to your partner, and how he or she is giving to you. Experiment with giving in the way your partner gives, and notice how it goes. Tweak your experiments, stretch yourself (it's not giving in, it's expanding your Self). It's also a good idea to have an explicit conversation about styles of giving and receiving.

Remember that the goal is not to have your relationship be about "me" or "him/her," but to put the good of your relationship first. So love and be loved every day.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.
Sponsored

6 Steps to master the home buying process during a pandemic
Your no-stress guide to buying a home no matter what the circumstance.

 

Get important election coverage sent straight to your inbox daily.

Vons drops Korean fried chicken on downtown Redwood City
By Elena Kadvany | 1 comment | 23,404 views

Are our recycling bins too big?
By Sherry Listgarten | 13 comments | 2,750 views

Nov. 3 -- a critical election -- and now your comments on the first debate
By Diana Diamond | 13 comments | 1,692 views

I am Voting Yes on Measure RR to Provide Caltrain a Dedicated Revenue Source
By Steve Levy | 5 comments | 1,623 views

Premarital and Couples: See "Buck" for Couple's Tips
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 1,561 views

 

Benefiting local non-profits

The 36th annual Moonlight Run and Walk is Friday evening, October 2, wherever you are! Proceeds go to the Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund, benefiting local non-profits that serve families and children in Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties. Join us under the light of the full Harvest Moon on a 5K walk, 5K run, 10K run or half marathon.

Register Today!