"Better" Dads and "Re-invigorated" Moms: Happier Couples | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Mountain View Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

"Better" Dads and "Re-invigorated" Moms: Happier Couples

Uploaded: Jul 12, 2019
I read an article by Rachel Zucker on the NY Times website: "Honey, Let's Get a Little Divorced."  One thing that caught my attention was Rachel's wondering why she hears of post-divorce Dads becoming better Dads, and post-divorce Moms returning to set-aside dreams and "finding themselves."  Dad takes charge of parenting more (without Mom's interventions or criticisms), and Mom becomes more independent, without the Mom-guilt.

Take a few minutes to read her article, and as you do, think about your own relationship, and without judgment, notice where you fall on the spectrum of the mom/dad dynamic and husband/wife interactions, and the idea of egalitarianism in your relationship. Just notice.

Of course there are many dynamics to observe in your marriage, especially when you've been together for a while, but these two are often intertwined in a way that lead to decreased personal and marital happiness.  I have seen and continue to see couples struggling with this. It builds resentment, and alters our "rose colored glasses" to a dirty brown color; and that is no way to see or be seen by our partner.

You get into a story about each other that keeps you from being connected. Think of holding two magnets in the wrong direction: that push apart that you viscerally know. It happens in your primary relationship, too. And that is one lonely place to be.

The next time you think, or are about to say something, or judge your partner about how he or she does something, PAUSE, and think about what will be magnets pushing away, or magnets pulling toward connection. Experiment with words, thoughts, and feelings that bring you together. Notice how you feel. Just notice, without judgment.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay up to date on local coronavirus coverage with our daily news digest email.

'A devastating impact:' The coronavirus claims Clarke's Charcoal Broiler, Mountain View's oldest operating restaurant
By Elena Kadvany | 25 comments | 8,718 views

The first few seconds after awakening; before I remember the virus
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 3,487 views

Can you stay healthy without making more trash?
By Sherry Listgarten | 6 comments | 2,907 views

Think about helping others in our coronavirus-affected area
By Diana Diamond | 7 comments | 2,658 views

Coronavirus Food Safety Update + New! Insider Tips
By Laura Stec | 2 comments | 1,968 views

 

DEADLINE EXTENDED

The 34th Annual Palo Alto Weekly Short Story Contest is now accepting entries for Adult, Young Adult and Teen categories. Send us your short story (2,500 words or less) and entry form by April 10, 2020. First, Second and Third Place prizes awarded in each category.

View Details