By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Fallow, def.: Plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility . . .
I'm a proponent of taking breaks. The Covid-19 pandemic is forcing all of us to look at our activities differently. I am regrouping in my writing. I'm starting a new book. And I'm taking it slowly (at least for me).
I'm noticing that many people are at 50% of their normal productivity right now. And not feeling good about it. People are tired. We're strained, stressed, on the edge. Just grocery shopping, homeschooling, cooking and the most basic of chores seem to take a lot more effort.
We live in an era and area (Silicon Valley) that values productivity, progress, success, being busy, shortening launch cycles, efficiency . . . which in many ways is fun and we are surrounded by smart, interesting people. Yet now, we're only surrounded online; the in-person connections are missing, and we're missing the very necessary socializing that we as human tribe need.
So we have to slow down and regroup with our SIP family, whoever that happens to be.
Do you remember summer vacation, right after school let out? The sense of freedom, of sleeping in, playing baseball for hours on end with friends, reading a book of choice all day long, climbing down into the creek and finding frogs, looking for shapes in the clouds . . . (oh, yeah, this was before devices and apps) . . .
Make a list of things you like to do in your fallow time. Try a few. Rest. If you don't remember, just notice that, and let memories surface in their own time.
When you're restored, go back into your mainstream, and notice what nurtures you, and what depletes you. Play with the balance. Play with your beloved.