Premarital and Couples: See "Buck" for Couple's Tips | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Mountain View Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Premarital and Couples: See "Buck" for Couple's Tips

Uploaded: Sep 25, 2020
Check out the movie Buck; it's ostensibly about Buck and horses, yet it speaks to the way people handle themselves and one another.

There's a scene in which Buck is teaching a man to hold the rope lead with 20lbs. of pull. First Buck yanks on the rope, and the man tightens his entire body, grasps tightly and braces for what's next. Buck yanks again. Same reaction. Next, Buck gently pulls the rope. The man reacts with the same tension and bracing, even though he did not need to.

When you have been yanked emotionally by your partner -- and possibly growing up, too -- you brace (fight, flight, or freeze). That's the limbic (emotional brain) doing its job of self-protection.

Buck talks about needing a soft touch to tame a horse, and that the horse is an extension of your body -- you move and it moves with you. This is limbic resonance; the healthy dance of life with another.

Just to be clear, being resonant with your partner is not the same as not speaking up or not having a voice, views, or opinions. It's sharing them with a soft touch. You are two people, choosing every day to be inter-dependent.

Another scene is with a horse that is violent; it was oxygen deprived at birth and lacked human contact. It was left to roam for three years before Buck was introduced to the horse. Unfortunately, it was left too long.

Please don't leave each other for too long. Practice a soft touch . . .








#couplestherapy
#marriagecounseling
#therapy
#individualcounseling
#premarital
Local Journalism.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Mountain View Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

Food hall forage: What we ate at State Street Market in Los Altos
By The Peninsula Foodist | 3 comments | 9,308 views

Do we really have a housing crisis?
By Diana Diamond | 35 comments | 6,425 views

Smart meters: The easy part and the hard part
By Sherry Listgarten | 11 comments | 3,724 views

Princess Diana: "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded."
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 2,877 views