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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples New Year Resolutions (Including Sexually)

Uploaded: Dec 31, 2022
We will:
- Prioritize our partner/relationship/marriage over everything:
• Doing so will create a secure foundation and roof over the head of your kids. You are 1.0 priority, your kids are 1.1.
• I believe you can make your partner your top priority without harming your career. I know you will actually work better and smarter when you are happy at home.

- Be kind:
• To myself (this includes how you speak to yourself, treat yourself, and respond to your multi-faceted self and your feelings, needs, and wants).
• To my partner (with my words, tone of voice, actions, and behaviors).

- Improve our sex life:
• I will initiate sex in addition to responding when my partner initiates sex.
• I will go outside my comfort zone with my trusted partner who loves me and respects my boundaries.
• I will try a variety of sex toys.
• I will talk about sex with my partner, even if it’s embarrassing, nerve-racking, uncomfortable, or previously taboo.
• I will have sex without waiting for my libido (your mind is your most important sex tool). I won’t have sex out of duty to my partner. I will have sex because it’s good for me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Plus, orgasms are fantastic. (If your sex life isn’t what you want/need it to be, get better at it; seek out resources.)

- Talk:
• We will talk about the hard stuff: sex, money, and power-and maybe the toughest, my feelings.
• Everyday. Often.
• We will make it normal to talk to each other.
• No more sweeping things under the rug.

- Have fun:
• We will do the things that we used to do when we were dating.
• We will take turns planning a fun activity. Take pressure off yourself by not worrying if your partner will like the date. Make it something you enjoy, and next week, s/he’ll make sure it’s fun for her/him.
• Play. Let go of being serious at least part of the time.

- Make plans:
• For your future.
• For your retirement (most people spend more time planning vacations than they do planning retirement).
• To work on your relationship daily, weekly, monthly, annually, into forever.
• To help others.
• Make sure you have a trust, medical and financial powers of attorney.

We get good at what we practice. Make sure you’re getting better at being a partner (and don’t be too much of a pain in the ass). Remember the Gottman rule: 5:1 which means five good interactions to every one poor interaction.

Be good enough, not perfect.

Please modify to fit your relationship. Please don’t lose the gist of these, though.
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Posted by Shubham Verma, a resident of another community,
on Jan 31, 2023 at 10:58 pm

Shubham Verma is a registered user.

A great resolution for the new year! I would like to try - to be kind, talk, and have fun.

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