“What Are You Doing that is Keeping Love at Bay?”

I read this question by Marianne Williamson (she’s the one who wrote the quote often attributed to Nelson Mandela about letting our light shine in the world), and she means it in a kind and growth-oriented way (not in a self-blaming way). She says she knows you know the answer. And people say to her, “I’m needy,” or “I’m afraid to make a commitment,” or “I’m abrasive when someone gets too close.”

Her response is that it’s good you’re single right now, so you can work out this issue and then be ready for love. I would say, we can work on it as a single person, and then we get to work on it in relationship, too, because that’s where we are injured, and where we will heal ? in relationship.

Intimacy brings out the love and the fear in us. Letting another close to see our light and shadows is exquisite and terrifying. This is part of why certain people are so exemplary in the community and yet are unable to do the same at home. Those closest to us are the biggest challenge. The opportunity to know us authentically exists.

I often hear clients say that everything changed once they got married. This is why. We hope for love, passion and comfort, and our fears and defenses show up, too.

So figure out what you’re doing to keep love at bay, take the risk to tell your beloved, and heal it together. I know it’s scary. It’s also worth it. And you can do it.