Food for the masses Food for the masses (January 16, 2004)

Ikea Cafe offers cheap, simple fare to shoppers

By Kate Blood

Ikea's motto, "Affordable Solutions for Better Living," is reflected in the Swedish corporation's reasonably priced, well-designed furnishings. That attitude is also echoed in Ikea's restaurants, where a Swedish-style meal can be had for as little as $1.99 and consumed in mere minutes -- the biggest reason, surely, for the food's popularity with customers.

After spending a good hour poking around sample rooms decorated with Ikea's trademark, lollipop-colored furniture, you begin to believe the sprawling building has no exit. But soon the soothing scents of cafeteria food waft down the aisles, and the airy second-floor cafe beckons.

Diners wait in what can be -- like the rest of the store -- a long and confusing maze. The cafe's fixtures are well designed, and customers are guided along a pathway neatly delineated by railings.

But more thought seems to have gone into the trendy furnishings than food service. Before encountering entrees, diners pass bottles of fizzy Kristale-brand soft drinks ($1.49) and glass cases filled with dull desserts. Soup and salad greens are an afterthought appearing on a separate table. After you've purchased your meal, you'll find self-serve soft-drink dispensers ($1).

Ikea's Cafe serves comforting food -- the kind of pabulum that coddles cranky babies and exhausted shoppers. Its signature dish is its walnut-sized pork and beef Swedish meatballs ($4.99), lightly seasoned with allspice and dappled with a rich, light-brown cream sauce. The meatballs are soothing, but identical to the innocuous frozen version available under the Budget Gourmet label at your corner grocer. Both are plump, moist and delicious.

Likewise, the children's meatball plate is a Budget Gourmet-priced steal at $1.99 for six meatballs and two boiled red potatoes topped with tart-sweet fruit-studded Ligonberry jelly (ligonberries grow wild in Scandinavian forests), a soft drink, and, of course, a toy.

Ignore the cafe's baked salmon covered with lackluster herbs ($5.99 for an overcooked fish stick) and "roast" turkey slices ($4.99) served with whipped potatoes. After soaking in trays of hot broth, the turkey breast tasted tired and strangely of mustard, and instead of the pretty, shredded red cabbage promised on signs posted throughout the store, our plates came with reheated frozen corn, green beans and carrots. Puddles of Ikea's Ligonberry jelly replaced cranberry sauce, but the rest of the overcooked food tasted like a lackluster TV dinner.

The hot soup of the day (99 cents) was also a letdown. On our first visit, we tried chicken noodle, a bright yellow-colored broth filled with thick egg noodles, chunks of chicken meat and skin, celery and carrots. But just like Mary Poppins' sugar, a spoon-full of black pepper and a soft, white roll smeared with butter helped get the soup down.

On our second visit, a side order of crispy Swedish crackers (58 cents for two) did wonders for a cup of lackluster minestrone. The crackers, made from rye flour, tasted much like the bland Rye Crisp brand American dieters have endured for years. But served alongside the weak bowl of hot, red-colored water, the rye crackers added a crunchy texture and earthy flavor. The combination left me with that restorative feeling of light nourishment enjoyed while fighting the flu.

I loved Ikea Cafe's ample plate of silky, smooth Gravad Lax. Nearly paper-thin slices of cold, cured salmon were served on a lettuce leaf alongside a tub of mustard sauce. The salmon was buttery and rich, and dotted with fresh dill. A squeeze of lemon was all the fish needed. The mustard sauce tasted of nothing but oil and corn syrup; it was cloying and left a disagreeable aftertaste.

The shrimp sandwich ($1.99) is a good choice for light eaters. Starting with a slice of deliciously chewy caraway seed-studded bread, the open-face sandwich came layered with hard-cooked egg slices, a tiny bit of mayonnaise, frozen pink shrimp the size of a baby's thumb, cucumber slices, dill and parsley. With fresh shrimp, this sandwich could be a knockout.

The ham and cheese baguette wrapped in paper ($2.99) reminded me of European street food -- at least the cheap sandwiches sold to commuters at train stations. A spongy, white-flour baguette was split down the center and filled with thin ham slices, processed cheese and a squirt of what looked like whole-grain mustard that offered no noticeable improvement in flavor.

Dessert is superfluous, which may be why it's offered before you choose your entree. Indeed, with the exception of Mazarin (99 cents) -- a holiday treat made of short crust pastry filled with almond paste, covered with deliciously sugary white icing and tucked in a blue and yellow paper bowl -- the desserts were bland and monochromatic.

The almond torte ($1.99) needed both sugar and spice. The chunky, four-inch-high apple cake slice called out for a topping of real whipped cream -- the "vanilla sauce" served alongside had no flavor at all. The milky-white cheesecake with Ligonberry sauce ($1.99) had a good, clean flavor and texture, but the graham cracker crust was soggy.

If you're an early riser, coffee at the upstairs cafe is free of charge every morning until 11 a.m. The full breakfast is only $1.99, but you get what you pay for. The scrambled eggs were held in metal pans over simmering water and rubbery by the time they hit the plate. The hashed root vegetables -- a mixture of yams, carrots and potatoes -- were drenched in bitter, metallic-tasting chutney. The lacy, well-browned Swedish pancakes desperately needed a pat of sweet butter, but the bacon was nicely crisped and flavorful.

Ikea's Cafe is just like the store's products. It's a big, kindergarten-style playroom with seating that overlooks a kids-only zone. If you don't notice how many dirty little fingerprints cover the brightly colored Ikea-designed toys, you'll enjoy watching your children play here. And young families will find no better retail pit stop: jars of organic baby food (50 cents) can be heated in a microwave oven; electric bottle warmers stand ready; and squishy, overcooked pasta is served with simple red sauce ($1.99).

The staff was polite, and all wore tall, white chef's toques that promised a more high-quality nosh. You can sit as long as you like, but you bus your own table by stacking trays on metal rolling racks neatly hidden from view by bright blue walls.

If you're still hungry, the ground-floor, Costco-style Ikea Bistro sells cones filled with swirls of soft-serve yogurt (75 cents) and all-American hot dogs (75 cents). Stylish Ikea customers who wouldn't be caught dead shopping at K-Mart for Martha Stewart products can stop here to pick up impressive-looking, imported food stuffs (packets of the company's infamous instant cream sauce are 99 cents and 2.5-pound bags of Swedish meatballs sell for $9.99).

The coffee and cinnamon-bun combo is a mere $1.50 -- a bargain, considering the bread's size resembles Princess Leia's hairstyle. But the buns were not nearly as tasty as a Pillsbury Dough Boy's product. Even hot out of the oven, they were dry and lacked cinnamon flavor.

Clearly, Ikea is not the kind of destination dining spot you'll go out of your way for. And just as a Costco hot dog doesn't come close to resembling a Nathan's wiener, neither does the food here represent great Scandinavian cuisine. It simply gives the uninitiated a chance to experience novel Swedish foods at bargain prices and tired shoppers some room to relax.

Dining Notes

IKEA Cafe, 1700 East Bayshore Dr., East Palo Alto; (650) 323-IKEA
Hours: Sunday to Friday 10 a.m. - 9 p.m.; Saturday 9 a.m.-9 p.m.
No reservations.
Credit cards accepted.
Lot Parking.
No beer or wine.
Takeout boxes available.
Highchairs and booster seats available.
Wheelchair accessible.
No banquets or catering.
No outdoor seating.
Noise level: Loud.
Bathroom cleanliness: Good

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