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As a transgender man in his late 50s, Dylan Campbell (who requested a pseudonym to protect his privacy) knows what it’s like to struggle with his identity as well as to have others not accept him.
Making the transition from female to male only seven years ago, Campbell said he’s encountered so much workplace and employment discrimination that, even after moving to California from the Washington, D.C. area, he has chosen to mask his transition by growing his hair longer and wearing gender-ambiguous clothing until he finds permanent employment.
In the kind of world Campbell lives in, Avenidas’ Rainbow Collective, a gathering of older adults in the LGBTQ+ community, is as safe as it gets.
The group has monthly “gayme” and movie nights at Avenidas, a local senior services nonprofit, as well as many excursions to museums or other activities. Lunch afterward to bond and get to know each other is always on the agenda.
The Rainbow Collective began in the middle of the pandemic as a virtual community.
In 2019, social worker Thomas Kingery of Avenidas had attended a brainstorming session held by the city of Palo Alto on how to make the city more inclusive to the LGBTQ+ community without actually building a brick and mortar place.
Originally, he recalled, “organizations were supposed to host events … the YWCA, Avenidas. … I was the only one that followed through. We started a monthly potluck in the cafe” run by Avenidas.
Then a representative from Santa Clara County Supervisor Joe Simitian’s office said he was interested in creating space for older adults in the community. The funding to officially launch the Rainbow Collective came through in June 2020.
At first, five people took part in the group. Today, the program serves 120 participants at three locations: Milpitas, San Jose and Palo Alto.
The thought behind the program is that older LGBTQ+ adults are “solo agers,” often isolated due to their experiences in life.
“The program aims to create opportunities to find, build and enhance relationships … (to) create chosen families,” said Kingery, now a program director.
“We also offer social services. … Some older adults in the LGBT community are reluctant to go to the doctor,” he said. “We help with case management to find affirming care.”
Joe, 83, who asked that this news organization not use his last name, is a longtime East Palo Alto resident who years ago used to find friends to hang out with up and down the Peninsula. Now he values Avenidas’ community, through which he can find society and connection, he said.
Different generations, different experiences
Older adults who identify as LGBTQ+, from their 50s to their 90s, can be grouped into three generations, Kingery said.
‘The dynamics or vibe of our group is that of tolerance and acceptance and patience.’
Thomas Kingery, program director, Avenidas Rainbow Collective
The oldest generation – the adults now mostly well into their 80s or 90s – is known as “invisible.” “Silenced” is the term for those in their 70s-80s. And the Pride generation is those young enough to have lived through the Stonewall Uprising in New York City in 1969, in which gay protesters fought back against police and which served as a catalyst for the modern-day gay liberation movement.
Kingery said that the degree of openness the older adults choose about their sexuality is directly informed by what they’ve experienced in life. The invisible generation may have remained closeted most of their lives, to the point of marrying someone from the opposite sex and raising a family.
The silenced may have simply hidden their truth, sneaking around and never being able to live as openly as the Pride generation, he said.
All three lived through the AIDS crisis of the late 1970s and early 1980s, many losing loved ones or living with HIV to this day. Some Rainbow Collective members choose to remain in the closet except to their Collective friends, while others feel more free to be themselves.
“The dynamics or vibe of our group is that of tolerance and acceptance and patience,” Kingery said. “In spite of the fact that, depending on their age, LGBT adults may or may not feel comfortable being completely open about their sexuality, in general the group gets along well.
“The programs and services that Avenidas Rainbow Collective provides directly address the challenges faced by our LGBTQ elders. We offer safe social groups and spaces, culturally competent social supportive services and referrals to care,” Kingery said.
In addition, he said, the program facilitates community discussions and provides training to the broader community on how to create safe spaces and provide appropriate and effective services.
Living authentically
Kingery and the Rainbow Collective also help encourage those who might have been in the closet for most of their lives to live more authentically.
‘We meet folks where they are at and let them lead in terms of their ‘coming out’ process.’
Thomas Kingery, program director, Avenidas Rainbow Collective
“We meet folks where they are at and let them lead in terms of their ‘coming out’ process. Our program is intended to create and provide space and opportunity for people to come out of the closet and enter into an inclusive, affirming and welcoming environment,” Kingery said.
“I am always willing to talk with folks about their individual ‘coming out’ process and have a candid discussion on what that may look like. I never tell people to come out or not to come out. That is wholly their own decision to make. I just support that decision,” he said.
Campbell notes that, like him, “a lot of LGBT seniors who are out of the closet, if they move into an apartment (or other senior group living environment) they go back in the closet” because they feel they may not be welcome otherwise.
Kingery is working on more outreach in these kinds of communities. He recently did a two-part series at a senior living facility in Los Gatos, educating the staff and inhabitants on how to treat those with alternative sexual identities or genders. He has also facilitated the creation of a group of “ally” residents willing to advocate for inclusivity.
Filling a gap
Avenidas Vice President of Programs Kristina Lugo said the creation of the Rainbow Collective was a “total grass roots” effort.
“Thomas and one other staff member really identified that there were no services for LGBT older adults in north (Santa Clara) county.”
She said one important service that LGBTQ+ seniors need is HIV care, as there are many HIV-positive adults in their 60s and 70s. Others need care for mental and physical issues stemming from how they have been treated by society.
“LGBTQ individuals may face additional stressors related to social stigma, discrimination and the need to conceal their identity, which can impact their mental and physical health as they age,” Kingery said.
Additionally, he said, “the support system for LGBTQ seniors, including family and community, may differ, as some may face estrangement or limited support due to their sexual orientation or gender identity.”
If you’re interested, the Rainbow Collective will host a Halloween costume party on Oct. 31 from 2 – 4 p.m. at Avenidas, 450 Bryant St., Palo Alto. All are welcome, including older adults who are allies of the LGBTQ+ community.
