Cecilia Flores and her 15-year-old daughter, Carla, are close friends. As they sat together last Tuesday night, Carla resting her head on her mother’s shoulder, the two listened to a presentation in Spanish about the importance of parents talking to their kids about sex.
Although Carla, a sophomore at Los Altos High School, already has a boyfriend, she and her mom both say they hardly ever talk about sex.
“We try,” Flores said. “But we’re so busy and she’s off doing one thing and I’m doing another. It’s difficult.”
According to Elizabeth Ramirez, a parent educator who spoke to about 25 Latino parents last Tuesday night at Castro School, opening lines of honest communication about sex is the most important thing parents can do with their children to help them make safe choices in their own lives.
The class, titled “Risky Business … Teens & Sex,” was sponsored by Mountain View-Los Altos Adult Ed and a parent education group called Voces Latinas.
Ramirez advised the group — mostly moms — on the right and wrong ways to talk to kids about sex, and the importance of starting the dialogue at an early age. (“From the moment they’re born,” Ramirez said.)
“Your main goal is to support your children to make good decisions that hopefully align with your morals and values,” Ramirez said in Spanish.
“If they don’t learn from you, they’ll get their information somewhere else, and it probably won’t be what you want them to learn,” she added.
Ramirez took time for anonymous written questions at the end of class.
“I’m afraid my daughter will ask me about sex and my answer won’t be adequate,” wrote one parent, whose comment drew nods from several other parents in the room.
But parents don’t need to have all the answers about contraception and sexual health, Ramirez said. What’s important is that they create a family environment in which their children feel comfortable coming to them with questions and concerns.
Amberlin Wu, a coordinator for the Blossom Project, an educational outreach and support group in Mountain View for parenting teens, thought more parents should take similar classes.
“If you don’t have that communication line built, it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about. They’re not listening anyway,” Wu said.
Blossom Project member Maria Medina, 23, became pregnant at 13. She said she wishes her mom had been willing to discuss sex with her.
“She never brought up anything about sex,” Medina said. “I guess she was just embarrassed to bring it up or something, so whatever I learned, I learned from my friends or just experienced it.”
With her own daughters, Medina is making an effort to be more open, but she admits it isn’t easy.
“It is hard to talk to your kids like that, but it’s better for them to know, because I don’t want her to go ask somebody else,” she said.
After last Tuesday’s class, Ramirez said that this session is just the beginning for parents.
“I hope they get rid of their fear for the sake of giving children what they want,” Ramirez said after the class, adding that it can take six nights of class to do the course justice.
“I said ‘vagina’ and ‘penis’ and they looked at me like I was insane,” she said.
Ramirez pointed out a contradiction in American culture — that not just Latinos, but all Americans are inundated with sexual images and themes every day through television, music and other influences, yet talking about sex is still taboo.
But Ramirez thinks Latinos have an added barrier when it comes to trying to educate their kids about how to have healthy sexual relationships.
“I think Latinos often feel disempowered because they don’t have the information. They feel, ‘What do I have to offer my kid?'” Ramirez said.
Carla was one of the few daughters who attended the class with a parent, so the mother-daughter pair have already taken a first step. Cecilia and Carla agreed that, after hearing Ramirez speak, they were going to try harder to talk openly and honestly about sex.
E-mail Molly Tanenbaum at mtanenbaum@mv-voice.com
